璐明升格 · 批改报告

你写的 126 词

段首句 1试卷给定，不计入词数

As the twins looked around them in disappointment, their father appeared.

Father's appearing was like a savior to the two children. Under the guidance of their father, they took positive actions and started all over again. They made the bread and then went on cooking porridge. Father helped them adjust the fire, which was the key to success. It was all right this time. Delicious breakfast was ready. How happy they were!

段首句 2试卷给定，不计入词数

The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.

When their mother saw the delicious and perfect breakfast in front of her, she was very surprised. It was not only the gift, but the love of the children for her that moved her very much. The two children could finish cooking a breakfast, which she didn't expect. The children said loudly, "Happy Mother's Day!" Mother hugged them tightly and kissed them again and again.

点句子前的编号，右边会跳到跟这句有关的那一条。

16/25 第四档

这篇续写的故事走向符合原文：双胞胎失败后得到父亲帮助，最后把早餐送给母亲，结尾也有温情。但不少句子是在“说明发生了什么”，没有把“怎么发生”写出来，比如父亲如何指导、孩子如何重新操作、母亲的惊喜如何表现。语言上大部分句子能读懂，但个别表达违反英语规则，需要扣档内分；同时词汇较普通，限制了上升空间。

为什么是这一档

内容续写与原文融洽：前文中双胞胎把早餐做砸、父亲在段首句出现，续写让父亲指导他们重新做早餐，再由第二段送到母亲床前并收束在母亲感动拥抱，情节方向合理。主要不足是父亲如何帮、孩子如何补救、母亲如何被触动写得偏概括，缺少动作链和具体反应。
语言语言整体清楚，叙事时态基本稳定，读者不需要反复重读才能理解。问题集中在个别名词化表达和冠词、可数性上，如“Father's appearing”和“a breakfast”；另有一些表达偏笼统，如“took positive actions”。
临近档次这篇同时贴近第五档，属于两档之间的卷子。把下面「扣分」里的问题改掉，最有机会往上走。

分数怎么来的：

第4档，区间 16–20，档内位置：下半，自 18 起算

档内扣减 2 分（大错 1 处；小错 2 处）

第一档 1–5抄袭大量原文或几乎未写出有效内容。

第二档 6–10内容偏离故事主线；语法和词汇错误很严重，频繁阻碍理解。

第三档 11–15能写出故事发展；词汇语法较简单，错误较多，部分影响理解。

第四档 16–20内容比较丰富；词汇语法比较恰当，少量错误不影响理解。

第五档 21–25内容充实，富有想象力；词汇语法丰富，句式多样，错误极少。

情节方向对了，但细节和准确性还要补