璐明升格
批改报告
首篇免费 读后续写 · 25 分

主线清楚，但转变写得偏概括

你把“挣钱—不愿交钱—理解父母—主动交出”的故事线写完整了，心理转变多靠概括句说明，缺少动作和身体反应（3处）、有一处同义反复，语言不够精炼（1处）。所以整体进入第四档，但还没有到内容充实、描写有层次的第五档。

你写的 171 词

段首句 1试卷给定，不计入词数

The pay arrived at last.

Although the job was very tiring, I was very happy in my heart for I got something from my work. The toil of labor was forgotten for the time being. I thought I should have my own money and planned how to spend it. "How much money have you earned?" Dad asked. I was surprised, reluctant to tell him my income. The next morning, my dad’s livestock truck started running. I saw my father’s hard-working figure and thought of his words "A job’s a big step to growing up".

段首句 2试卷给定，不计入词数

I understood immediately what my parents were worried about.

They were worried that I was too selfish to give. I realized that my labor was very hard, but my growth and our whole family had been depending on the hard work of my parents! Dad never complained about unfairness! He even seemed to think that was fair. I thought, "I’ve only worked for two weeks, but how many years my father has worked!" In the evening, Dad came back. I proudly took out my own money and handed it to Dad.

点句子前的编号，右边会跳到跟这句有关的那一条。
17/25 第四档

这篇续写最大的优点是方向正确：你没有脱离原文，而是围绕父亲、工作和家庭责任推进。要继续提高，重点不是再加情节，而是把“我突然明白了”写成可看见的过程，比如手里攥着工资袋、听见卡车发动、看见父亲弯着背上车，这些细节会让转变更可信。

为什么是这一档

  • 内容内容能从原文自然发展：原文写“我”期待工资却不愿把钱交给家里，续写中工资到来后先想自己支配，随后看到父亲辛苦工作，理解父母的担心并把钱交给父亲，主线清楚。与第二段段首句的衔接也能解释“父母担心我自私”。不足是转变过程偏快，主要靠“I realized...”直接说明，动作、环境和内心挣扎细节偏少。
  • 语言语言整体清楚，叙事基本保持过去时，句子结构能支撑故事。但词汇较常用，very、hard、think/realize 等表达较多，个别表达如“The toil of labor”有冗余感，影响语言的精炼度和表现力。

分数怎么来的：

第4档，区间 16–20，档内位置：下半，自 18 起算
档内扣减 1 分（小错 1 处）

第一档 1–5抄袭大量原文或几乎未写出有效内容。
第二档 6–10内容偏离故事主线；语法和词汇错误很严重，频繁阻碍理解。
第三档 11–15能写出故事发展；词汇语法较简单，错误较多，部分影响理解。
第四档 16–20内容比较丰富；词汇语法比较恰当，少量错误不影响理解。
第五档 21–25内容充实，富有想象力；词汇语法丰富，句式多样，错误极少。

升格的是这篇作文，不是承诺的分数。
我们只保证每一分扣在哪里，都指得出来源。